How did I get to be “that” mom???

Oh no.  Today is the day I came to the realization that I have become “that mom”.  You know the one.  That mom who holds her kids sippy cup for him while he takes a drink.  The mom who holds her child as they walk to the car because he doesn’t walk well yet and might fall down.  That mom who still nurses at 26 months  (yeah, that mom).  I don’t know if I’ve allowed myself to be this way because PJ is my baby, if it’s because he has Down syndrome, or if it’s just that he’s had so many surgeries I still look at him like a baby.  The reality is that although he is 26 months he is not walking and is only pulling up to stand in his crib or when he has something to wrap his fingers around.  He isn’t cruising yet.  He doesn’t speak (although he will sign.)  But today is the day I realized that much of what I do enables him to stay and act like a baby longer.

David’s been talking to me about this for a while now.  He hasn’t pushed me to give up nursing, I only do it twice a day anyways.  But he has been asking me to start thinking about when I might be ready.  I’ve been using the excuse that sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night or at five in the morning and nursing is the only way to get him to go back to sleep.  But this is really just an excuse.  The reality is that he rarely wakes up.  I would never have even considered letting one of my older children have a bottle this long – let alone nurse them.  I always gave up nursing when they were between 5 and 9 months.  I was anxious to stop.  I thought it was really weird when  a mom nursed their child until they were two.  Now mine is 2!!!  What am I doing?  I have an old friend back in Michigan.  We were best friends for most of our lives and have since drifted apart for many different reasons.  I can just imagine the words that would come from her mouth if she knew I had become “that” mom!!!

So, I am making a commitment to PJ from here on out.  I will let you learn to become more independent.  I will teach you to hold your own cup and use silverware when eating.  I will teach you to feed yourself.  I will put shoes on you and help you walk instead of carrying you.  I will hold my breath the first time you let go of my hand and celebrate your learning to walk on your own.  I will cuddle you at night but you don’t need to nurse anymore.  Let’s just cuddle and read stories now.  I will expect from you what I expected from your brothers at this age.  I know it might be harder for you but I will teach you what you need to know.  You deserve to have the mom that your older brothers had so I will stop being the “helicopter” mom.  I don’t even know how I got to there in the first place.  To myself, I promise to throw away all of my nursing bras which do terrible things to my shape.  I promise to allow myself to have a glass or two of wine at night without worrying about nursing in the morning.  I promise to teach PJ to be more self-sufficient so he won’t always need someone to do everything for me.  I promise this may be hard but will make my life and PJ’s easier in the long run.

PJ and I have to remember this quote:

I am not afraid of storms

For I am learning to HOW to SAIL my SHIP

-Louisa May Alcott

Little Women

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Catherine Ward
    Jul 25, 2013 @ 15:07:33

    I think the hardest things we do as mothers is recognized and let go of the things WE need so our kids can spread their wings.

    Reply

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