So I was at the car dealership today picking up my car after getting it serviced.  The very nice gentleman behind the desk was making small talk with me while we were waiting for my car to be pulled up.  I told him that I had five boys and they were so happy to be getting my car back because we couldn’t all fit in my husbands car and they had places to go and people to see.  He asked how old my boys were and I told him 13 down to 4 months old.  He started remarking about how great it was that my baby has big brothers and that he’s be normal just like his brothers.  I think he was trying to tell me that PJ will see going to and from football, basketball, baseball, etc, as being normal.  I can’t imagine what else this man could have meant seeing as I did not have PJ with me and even if he had been there the signs of Down Syndrome are not noticeable to the untrained eye.  I knew this but for some unknown reason I still just had to open up my mouth.  I think I said something like, “Well, no, I wouldn’t say normal.  He has Down Syndrome.”  This poor old man didn’t know how to respond to me.  He smiled and nodded and told me to have a good day.  Seriously, what was I thinking???  I still can’t quite figure out what to say and when.  And I can’t quite figure out why I felt compelled to tell this complete stranger.  I don’t want people to feel sorry for me and I wasn’t asking for prayers.  I just blurted it out.  Sometimes I wonder if it’s just that there is so little I can control right now but I can control who knows and how they find out.

Later in the day I took the boys to the pool and told my friend Kathleen what had happened.  It’s great to be with her because we can talk about Patrick and Emily and it’s not always about Down Syndrome.  We don’t feel like we have to talk about it.  We look at our babies and see two cute little babies.

I am so in love with this little guy.  I am still feeling my way through the Down Syndrome diagnosis.  It’s not so much that it bothers me as much as I wonder what other people think.  Maybe that’s why I tell people, it’s like going to confession.  If I put it out there then it’s not something that I’m carrying around inside.



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